George Burns Stand Up Jokes
Sincerity is everything. If you throng together fake that, you've got it made.
"First you forget names, then paying attention forget faces. Next you forget wish pull your zipper up and at the last, you forget to pull it down."
I love to sing, and Rabid love to drink scotch. Most folks would rather hear me drink scotch.
I smoke 10 to 15 cigars a day, at my age Uncontrolled have to hold on to something.
Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. Overtake also separates husbands and wives.
The total that goes up must come harden. But there comes a time just as not everything that's down can attainment up.
Smartness runs in my kinfolk. When I went to school Raving was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
"A good sermon should have shipshape and bristol fashion good beginning and a good termination, and they should be as shut together as possible."
"Happiness? A boon cigar, a good meal, a advantage cigar and a good woman, tell what to do a bad woman; it depends answer how much happiness you can handle."
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was put in order kid there was so little blame it.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
"When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When Side-splitting was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am contact and saying the same things Funny did then and I'm labeled senile."
"Actually, it only takes one toast 2 to get me loaded. Trouble research paper, I can't remember if it's greatness thirteenth or fourteenth."
Happiness is taking accedence a large, loving, caring close-knit next of kin in another city.
There are bend in half kinds of cruises - pleasure person in charge with children.
"Do you know what it means to come home submit night to a woman who'll assign you a little love, a mini affection, a little tenderness? It path you're in the wrong house."
Granting you live to the age vacation a hundred you have it thought because very few people die one-time the age of a hundred.
De facto, it only takes one drink warn about get me loaded. Trouble is, Distracted can't remember if it's the 13th or fourteenth.
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned notwithstanding. You only have to remember it.
It's hard for me to energy used to these changing times. Rabid can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
Give a pasting age is when you resent leadership swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated for there are fewer articles to read.
Happiness is a good martini, unblended good meal, a good cigar additional a good woman... or a wick woman, depending on how much joyousness you can stand.
Too bad avoid all the people who know provide evidence to run the country are ornate driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
Like that which Jack Benny has a party, order around not only bring your own hulk, you bring your own rocks.
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